Common Sense Controls

Thanks to Ron Gore for sending this in.

One of the things that is being learned from the Boston
bombing is that pressure-cookers have become the container of
choice for bomb makers.

At long last, who now can argue with the common sense logic that
if there were no pressure-cookers, there would be no
pressure-cooker bombers?

For starters, Congress should mandate that anyone wishing to
purchase a pressure-cooker (or obtain one from a home show) be
subject to a comprehensive background check. This is the only way
to keep pressure-cookers out of the hands of criminals, the
mentally unstable and terrorists.

Next, Congress should completely outlaw any pressure-cooker larger
than two-quarts because a lot more people can be killed with a
single high-capacity pressure cooker than with a bunch of little
ones.

Look, a two-quart pressure cooker is large enough for any family.
Everyone knows that high-capacity pressure-cookers are not needed
for cooking anymore and are only good for making bombs.

Besides, like I told my wife; if anyone threatens to blow up our
home with a pressure-cooker, just take your electric two-quart
pressure-cooker out on the terrace and throw water on it until it
shorts out.  The sparks and crackles will scare off even the most
persistent pressure cooker.  (Joe said that and everyone
knows that whatever Joe and the Internet say is true.)

It should be illegal to transport a concealed pressure-cooker
without a permit. (Like all laws, this would not apply to
legislators who want to carry a concealed pressure-cooker for
their safety.)

Look, I have nothing against pressure-cookers.  I even have a
picture showing my Dad and I blowing up clay beer cans with a
pressure-cooker; my mom even occasionally blew up her cooker while
canning green beans.  But, times were different then; now we need
a few common sense laws to rid society of pressure-cookers.

Congress should add to the pressure-cooker laws that if anyone
gets hurt by a pressure-cooker, manufacturers of nails and ball
bearings should be held responsible and be subject to big fines.
This, too, makes common sense; if it wasn’t for nails and ball
bearings, no one could even get hurt by a pressure-cooker.

I realize these laws would be quite expensive to administer and a
big inconvenience to those law abiding citizens who only want to
cook, build or skate, but if we can save even a single life, it
would be worth it (Joe said that, too.)