by John Boch
Youth bullying has been around for generations. Today’s public awareness has some folks labelling it an epidemic. Is it an epidemic? Who knows. Either way, we all know how kids can be brutal.
In some ways, schools and public officials have started taking a tougher view on bullying. At the same time, plenty of intimidation still happens. It remains important to tackle the problem early. Persistent bullying can have life-long implications.
Fortunately, proper coping skills will empower your kids to become bully-resistant.
Stay connected, not isolated.
Oppressors like to isolate their victims, physically and psychologically. To counter this, encourage your kids to maintain connections with friends and adults alike.
Most importantly though, incidents of bullying should be reported to a responsible adult when they occur – in addition to parents. This way parents can follow up should responsible adults (school officials, for example) don’t properly take action.
The same goes for witnessing bullying against another. It is understandable if your kid(s) don’t want to intercede at the time for a third-party, but they should still promptly report it to responsible adults.
Psychologists say that bullying does not only impact the victims, but also passive witnesses as well. They say those passive bystanders are also at increased risk of anxiety, depression and substance abuse.
Re-define Tattling.
Bullies lose their power without the cooperation of their victims to remain quiet. Why do kids often remain silent about their tormenters? Because they fear catching a “tattletale” reputation.
Teach your kids that speaking up about injustice is a noble act. Explain to your kids that bullying is serious, especially threats of physical violence. Even so-called harmless “online bullying” almost always comes with in-person harassment. Teach your kids to report serious matters to authority figures, or in the case of crimes, the police.
As a parent, you can encourage compassionate behavior at home. Instead of just asking “How was your day today?” ask your child, “Did you have a chance to help anyone today?”
Don’t wait to act!
A failure to act or promptly report the bullying incidents will lead to more aggressive bullying in the future. Empower your child / grandchild. Encourage them to report bullying right away. Praise them when they do the right thing by reporting it.
Teach your child to act assertively and confidently.
Kids (and parents) who respond assertively to intimidation will have better long-term results than those who act passively. Submissiveness serves as a magnet for further bullying and abuse.
Raise your child to stand up straight and to look a people in the eye. If bullied in person, call the tormenter by their name and tell them to stop their bullying in a calm, assertive manner.
At the same time, if kids avert their gaze, cower, or lose their cool, these behaviors will empower their tormenter(s).
Few kids will exhibit perfect skills in handling a bully, especially the first couple of times it happens. Praise your kids for what they do right when confronted with harassment. At the same time, help them understand how to better handle a future situation. The sooner they learn good coping skills, the sooner the problem will go away.
Maintaining a command presence.
Help your children to maintain a command presence in how they carry themselves. This will project confidence and make them a less inviting target for tormenters. On the other hand, submissive or nervous body language will draw bullies like a magnet.
If it turns physical.
If the bully uses physical violence, this is where your child may need to respond in kind. Training your child how to properly push someone away and how to execute a proper strike can come in very handy. Even more important, showing your child how to defeat a grab or escape from a choke might someday save their bacon from more than bullies.
Non-physical abuse.
Even non-physical bullying should be treated seriously. Name-calling, taunting, spreading rumors and exclusionary behavior can carry harmful psychological, and eventually physical effects.
This social and relational aggression (particularly among girls) can be so subtle as to prove difficult for otherwise vigilant adults to detect. Girls love to project the “sugar and spice” image because they know it’s powerful. And it can help conceal their subtle bullying of their peers.
Life is hard enough for young people. Help empower them with the skills they need to become bully-resistant!
Help bully-proof your kid!
Personal Protection for Teens Course
GSL Defense Training’s Personal Protection for Teens course offers young people from junior high school through college age strategies to avoid victimization. The course covers dealing with bullies, dating safety, situational awareness strategies, how to survive active threats, legal issues involved in justifiably using force and much more.
For more information, visit the GSL Defense Training website, or contact John Boch at 217 649-3702 or visit the Tac Shack in Peoria.
John; this may be some of the best advice you can give. We have had 2 horrible school shooting and bullying was a major factor in both. In Texas even the football coaches bullied this child. The story now being reported is the shooter left some alive that he liked so his story of bullying could be told.
Please understand being bullied is not an excuse for what was done today; but it must be addressed
Things are not like they were 50 years ago, they are worse. Children today do not understand how to deal with bullying.
Bulllies bully. Until they get shutdown by authority figures or until they catch a knuckle sandwich.
They aren’t limited to childhood though. It is a reason I carry.
Mr. Morning Rush….you are absolutely right ….bullying isn't just limited to childhood experiences…..know first hand about adult bullying……worked in manufacturing for 40+ years and most of those years in a union shop….company I worked for was unionized and as most folks in the USA know there is an adverse adversarial relationship between unions and management…..that being said the company I used to work for was so much anti-union they would hire convicts right out of prison just to create discord and massive amounts of tension in the rank-and-file membership of union employees…if you have enough of these convicts in your plant they will use many of the same bullying techniques that you may have seen in pre- adolescent bullies back in your school days, but now you are dealing with adults…..if you find yourself getting caught up in a bullying scenario for whatever reason you have 4 choices…..number 1) ignore them if you can…..these thugs are looking for a reaction from you(positive or negative)….if you ignore them long enough they will go on to find someone else to pick on. number 2) go complain to management about these undesirables picking on you(bad idea as they will label you as a snitch and escalate their attacks on you). number 3) get back at them at their own game, but realize it will only escalate into a game of one-up-manship and can result in both you and them getting fired from your jobs ….and we come to the big number 4…..like my old dad used to say: "if you have a problem….get rid of it"…..well folks I like to think my dad was just being pragmatic at the time, but the brutal reality of working for a living is "no one is going to F**K with my livelihood "….this job no matter how mundane is what puts food on my table….F**k with me at your own peril.
I agree with the above comments, bullying is a problem in our society thats needs to end. Most of the people that are thugs and I know this will sound partisans, our Democrats.
I believe the real factor behind a lot of the school shootings is bullying. We need ALL contact our state reps and the governor and let them know they need to address the real issue of school violence; Bullying
I got bullied as a kid about a hundred years ago. My dad wouldn't show me how to fight, so I asked my best friend's dad to help me. He boxed some as a young man. After a few weeks of learning and some strength training, I beat the snot out of bully #1. Almost a year later, he came back for a re-match. A school year of strength training paid off and this time he lost two teeth and wore a cast for six weeks. You know what, nobody fooled around with Sam after that. And I helped a few other kids along the way. That felt even better than sending Everitt home bloody and crying.
I was bullied in school. They told me they would hurt me even worse if I told. I beleived them. When I went to my parents they told me to NEVER fight. I did not tell them about the bullying until a few years ago right before my mom died at 90. They were surprised, but did not seem too upset. The thing is now, I won't take anything from anybody, and this usually turns people off. Oh, and I have met more bullies as an adult than I ever did as kid. They had refined their skills. I lost track of how many times my job was threatened, I was made fun of in meetings, and how HR ignored my complaints since I was a straight white male with a conservative bent.