Dear Hipsters, Millennials and Pansies

by Todd Vandermyde
(originally published in 2016)

Dear Hillary Hipsters, Miley Millennials and Participation Trophy Pansies, you got me thinking with your talk of playing games with the electoral college and this talk of “armed” rebellion.

You expect us to take your talk of rebellion and revolution seriously? Yet you can’t even figure out the simple things:

You don’t know the difference between a clip and a magazine.

There is no pause button in a gunfight, this is not Call of Duty.

You want a safe place from mean words, we click off the safety and take on the devil himself.

A click (klick) to you is the sound of a light switch or remote, to us it’s a measurement of the journey.

Coffee is not something that sounds like you’re speaking Farsi when ordering it; Black, 2 sugars on the side.

You want to stifle speeches & speakers you disagree with, yet we bleed so you can burn the flag that covers our brothers’ coffins.

Roughing it to you is a Motel 6 with a black & white TV and Dunkin Donuts coffee, oh you just wouldn’t understand this one… two words — poncho liner

In 25 years no one will remember your name. 2500 years later we still talk of Leonidas.

Snap, Crackle & Pop is not a breakfast cereal, it’s a reminder of the deeds we’ve done when we get out of bed.

Before you were jumping out of a school bus, many of us were jumping out of airplanes, helicopters and APCs often in third world nations.

Before GPS, we used a map, compass and a fist for the 5 terrain features.

You’ve spent your (short) life denouncing violence and war, we’ve spent our considerable longer life practicing & living it.

You supported gun bans, magazine bans (yes there is a difference between a mag and a clip) secret lists, bans on carry and denounced the Second Amendment and the Heller decision as being outdated, we’ve been at the range practicing.

9mm vs. 45ACP is not a debate about metric vs. English.

Call of Duty is not training.

You’ve added extra holes to your body, while we spent years trying not to.

Many of us are like a round of 45ACP because old, fat and slow gets the job done.

Age and treachery will overcome youth and agility.

Now please, go back to your duck billed selfies, safe spaces and hashtag hysterics. The adults in the room want to discuss the Constitution, good whiskey, cigars and women.