Photo credit: Knowyourmeme.com
Parody? Hmmmm. Mebbe- mebbe not. When truth is stranger than fiction.
Official Presidential Pardon Submission Form-
Form may be emailed or mailed but they tend to leave a trail.
Form is best submitted handed directly to a political figure surrounded by an envelope made of large bills.
To: President Joseph Robinette Biden
From: Place X in box ( ) Hunter ( )Everyone else
Date: Please submit prior to January 03, 2025, for best results.
Re: Presidential Pardons
1. I have already be convicted by an impartial judge and a jury in valid court of law.
( ) Hunter ( ) everyone else
2. Number of federal convictions ( ) One, ( ) Two ( ) More are pending – or Hunter
3. ( ) Yes ( ) No. I am seeking pardons for alleged wrong doings I willfully engaged in during the last four years which I do not like to be associated with any longer once the President is out of office.
4. Reasons for seeking pardons:
( ) Yer my dad.
( ) Drug dealer
( ) Drug addict
( ) Attempted presidential candidate assassin
( ) Illegal Gun Trafficker
( ) Cop Killer
( ) Warlord
( ) Receive large amounts of foreign aid and pocketed all of it
( ) Media liar/spokesperson or “influencer” not bound by truth or fairness
( ) Spy Be specific. Country ( ) Russia ( ) China
( ) Political appointee
( ) I actively engaged in lawfare against another presidential candidate and no longer wish to be held accountable for any of my acts, deeds or statements which were improper, illegal, misleading or outright lies.
( ) Turns out there are consequences to continued bad acts (who knew?)
( ) Don’t want hear these words in 2025, “Will the defendant please rise.”
( ) We were just fooling around and didn’t mean any of the things we said for the last four years. That whole “Fascist” and “Nazi” things were taken out of context.
( ) Fear someone has actually paid attention and has been keeping book.
5. Dollar Amount: Please provide the dollar amount you are willing to pledge to a certain unnamed party and unnamed Chief of State for a pardon. Please be specific and generous-think of it as a going away gift for your POTUS. Bidding starts in the six figures. You may want to bid early and often as competition may be fierce. $__________________